Wednesday, June 22, 2011

On the Loss of My Beloved Big Brother

We can’t see the future, we think about what it should be, but we never get it right! That is what our grandmother said. I sat diagonally on the bed, across from the place in which she was always so grandly positioned. There was a silence between us so heavy… and looming somewhere in our environment was the threat of collapse, the demise of poise and composure. But neither of us would succumb. Her legs were elevated as she sat upright against the headboard. Her feet were covered with a pair of those colorful silky socks she was known to wear. And her hair was tied inside matching material just above her traveling gaze; eyes that had seen the better of nine decades now looked equally pained and puzzled. Hadn’t you and I discussed her great departure? You and I. How we would shudder to even contemplate that coming time and say in those somber and quiet talks that we would have to prepare ourselves – what a loss it would be! We would hardly know how to bear it. But you preceded her. And now I was there sitting alone with her, diagonally across from the place in which she was always so grandly positioned, diagonally still from the chair where you would sit close to her by the bed. I recalled how they had held her by each arm and walked slowly with her, cane and all, to view the last of you. She cried out your name then, and the room instantly became silent.

1 comment:

Camille said...

I know that cry. I was sitting in the front row of the pews at my father's funeral. Someone was singing on stage. My father lay dead in the coffin. I began to cry and rock back and forth as I listened to the music and as the reality of my father's passing slapped me in the face. All of a sudden, I fell to my knees, on the ground in front of me and let out the loudest cry of pain and agony that I had ever done in my life. The room became silent, except for the singing. And immediately, it seemed like everyone rushed over to hold me up and keep me from falling flat on my face. They got me to stand up and they walked me out of the sanctuary and into the hallway, where I sat and cried my eyes out. I never cried like that in my life. I cried, closed my eyes and I could have sworn I saw my soul cry that day...

It's really, really hard to lose someone close to you.

peace & love